Personal grief ritual
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Grief ritual for processing
For this ritual you’ll need:
A bowl
A carafe / glass / bottle of water
A candle of any color, but you may choose a color which resonates with you or has a symbolic or traditional meaning
Writing utensils and paper, or a journal
One or more of the following:
Roses — love, healing, friendship, harmony.
Gardenias — love, peace, healing, femininity.
Others to consider: lemon balm, lavender, linden, juniper, tulip, or violet.
Any herb or flower with special meaning to you. The traditional meaning may be important, but grief is super personal so go with your gut.
The ritual:
Begin by writing, drawing, or scribbling on a piece of paper — start with your very first memory of this person. Recall the moment your being became aware of the other person’s. Capture the things that remind you of your time together — memories, moments, feelings. Draw or write about the love you shared and continue to hold for them. Reflect on how you felt when you first learned of their death, and how you feel now as you sit with those memories. Let your questions, your whispers, or your shouts at the universe take form on the page. Let your grief flow through words and images.
When you're ready, light your candle. In ritual, a candle flame can represent prayers, wishes, or hope. Its light can embody the spirit you're honoring—a reminder of the light they brought into your life. The candle’s glow also affirms that death cannot extinguish the light of our memories; we carry them always in our hearts and minds.
Next, roll up your paper and seal it with candle wax. Place the paper in a bowl and pour water over it, letting the bowl fill. The water cradles your grief, holding the pain and offering a space for release. It symbolizes flow — like a river smoothing rough stones, carving its own path. Grief, too, is carving its way through you, shaping and reshaping as it moves.
Now, float a flower or herb on the water. The bloom brings the qualities it symbolizes — healing, peace, love, or whatever feels most meaningful to you. These qualities rest atop your grief, held by the water’s embrace. Ask each element — fire, water, earth, and air — to support you in navigating your loss.
To close, you may choose to place the bowl and candle on your altar as a symbol of this process, keeping them nearby for a time. Alternatively, pour the water into your garden or nourish your indoor plants, letting the ritual extend into the natural world.
This ritual was adapted from multiple sources and has been a part of my personal spiritual practice for several years. If this ritual doesn’t resonate with you, don’t fret. There are many other options! Some of which I plan to share here as we go.
