Self-care for the caregiver

In our first blog post about self-care, we defined the term and talked about specific ideas for those who have been diagnosed with a serious illness. But self-care isn’t just for those who are dealing with illness; if anything, those of us who identify as helpers and caregivers need self-care even more urgently so we can be present and well for our loved ones. As a review, Lee and Miller define self-care as, “a process of purposeful engagement in practices that promote holistic health and well-being of the self.”

So why is it so difficult for us as helpers to do what they know is best? Research indicates that it might be because we set our sights too high or avoid the topic entirely. Not to mention we have a tendency to focus on the person with the diagnosis and prioritize their needs over our own.

It can be difficult to remember that self-care is a process, not a one-time event, and it should be guided by what makes us feel like our best selves — not what we wish, hope, or even perhaps should be doing. If your self-care list reads like a NYE resolution list… it’s time to revisit it with some new principles in mind.

Self-care makes us better caregivers
A practice of self-care lessens compassion fatigue, which can keep us from feeling empathy for those we care for, and increases compassion satisfaction, which is a sense of pleasure and fulfillment from contributing to the well-being of others.

Reflects strength and resilience
Self-care does not reflect an inadequacy or area for improvement, rather a good self-care plan reflects the strength and resilience of the caregiver.

Get more specific
Self-care plans can be too general like, “Take better care of myself.” Try something concrete, such as “Shoot for a full 8-hours of sleep every night.” P.S. Sleep hygiene is one of the very best things we can do to take care of ourselves!

Diversify your approach
We have a tendency to rely heavily on the areas of self-care we prefer or deem “easier,” and in general, self-care is too physically-focused. Try to find 1–2 actions you can do in each of these domains: mind, body, spirit, emotions, relationships, and work. Are there other domains that are important to you? Include those, too. Here are some suggestions to get you started:

· Mind: reading a good book, taking a class, doing a puzzle.
· Body: going for a nature walk, drinking more water.
· Spirit: attending a religious service of your choice, listening to or playing music, create a gratitude list.
· Emotions: see a counselor or therapist, write a love letter to self, ask for help, take a time out.
· Relationships: spend quality time with a friend or loved one, practice setting healthy boundaries, start to heal some old wounds.
· Work: make time throughout the day for intermittent self-care breaks, create a healthy workspace, set and maintain professional boundaries.

That goes for relationships too
Some of us need more people than others and some times of life are more trying, necessitating additional social support. Consider diversifying your relationships by adding in a therapist, a meet-up group, or a support group. We host a Caring for the Caregiver support group right here at Pennsylvania; see a staff member for details.

Tailor it to your needs and wants
One plan of self-care does not fit all. In fact, the more your ideas answer the question, “How do you reassure and nourish yourself?,” the better. If you’re having trouble remembering what nourishes you, ask a trusted loved one, refer to your journals, or reminisce about happy times — what made actions you took resulted in happiness in that period of your life?

Practice self-compassion
Self-care works best when combined with self-compassion, practices of which have been found to improve psychological functioning. And it also feels good! That’s what we call a win/win.

If you’re stuck for specific ideas for your list, try one of these resources:

· 10 Ways to Care for Yourself When Caring for Loved Ones

· A Guide to Taking Care of Yourself — Family Caregiver Alliance

· 10 Ways for Caregivers to Nurture Themselves — AARP

· Self-Care Tips for Cancer Caregivers

· Caring for the Caregiver — National Cancer Institute

· Caregiving: The Importance of Self-Care

If you’re affiliated with a treatment center, you can reach out to your oncology social worker or the chaplaincy staff when stuck — or to share some successes. Or you can work with a private therapist such as myself to develop your own self-care plan and tackle challenges as they arise.