Permission to embrace or avoid the new year
The new year can be a complicated milestone for anyone, but especially those of us tending to grief. As the calendar flips, we might feel pressure to reflect on the year and set ambitious goals for the next. But for those who just had the worst year of their life due to loss (or who are revisiting an older loss that feels fresh), marking the passage of time might feel impossible, painful, or irrelevant. If you’re feeling this way, know that you’re not alone—and you have permission to approach (or skip) New Year’s celebrations in a way that honors your unique process.
Why the New Year Feels Hard for Grievers
Grief doesn’t follow a linear timeline, and the arrival of a new year can amplify feelings of loss and disconnection. You might find it difficult to engage with celebrations or future-focused traditions when a part of your world feels frozen in time. It’s okay if you’re not ready to “move forward” in ways others expect. NYE also comes on the heels of a barrage of holidays, all of which focus on togetherness — and you might have been missing someone desperately throughout. October - January can feel like a marathon… and we’re reaching the end, when fatigue and exhaustion and weariness cuts to the bone.
Whether you're mourning the loss of a loved one, a relationship, a life phase, or even an assumptive world, the changing year can feel less like a fresh start and more like a painful reminder of what’s been lost. If this resonates, take heart: your response to this moment is valid, and your grief doesn’t need to fit into society’s expectations for this season.
Making the Best of the New Year (If You Feel Up to It)
If you feel drawn to participate in the rituals of resolutions and reflection, consider reshaping it to meet your needs and capacity. Here are some gentle alternatives:
Set Micro-Intentions: Instead of sweeping resolutions, focus on small, achievable goals that align with where you are. This could be as simple as drinking water in the morning or spending five minutes in quiet reflection. This is actually great advice for non-grievers, too, and one I wish we would take more to heart as a society. Why must changes be grand to be meaningful? Simply, they don’t.
Honor Your Grief: Make space for your emotions by incorporating grief into the process. You might write a letter to your loved one, light a candle, or create a ritual to acknowledge your journey. If you’re with friends, invite them to bring their griefs, too, and hold space together for all that has been lost in the previous year.
Choose Words Over Goals: Instead of resolutions, you could try picking a word or phrase to guide you. Words like “gentle,” “grounding,” “rest,” “presence,” or “allow” can serve as anchors without adding pressure.
Celebrate What You’ve Survived: Grief is an ongoing process, and getting through each day is a profound achievement. Take a moment to honor the strength and resilience you’ve shown this year — even if it was never something you wanted to learn, you’ve certainly been learning.
Permission to Skip It Entirely
If the idea of resolutions feels overwhelming or unnecessary, you have full permission to let it go. The new year doesn’t have to be marked or celebrated if it feels misaligned with your needs. There are no rules, no moral imperative to do the things you’ve always done nor to invent something fancy and new just because there’s been a change.
You can also reframe the year on your own terms. Who says your “new year” has to start on January 1st? Your timeline might revolve around personal milestones or anniversaries that feel more meaningful to you.
Supporting Yourself Through Transition
Lean Into Self-Compassion: Remind yourself that there’s no right or wrong way to experience this season.
Set Boundaries: If traditional celebrations or goal-setting conversations are too much, it’s okay to decline invitations or share your needs with loved ones.
Seek Connection: Whether it’s through a grief support group, a trusted friend, or a therapist, sharing your feelings can help ease the isolation this time of year might bring.
The Four Pillars: food, water, movement, and rest. Give yourself these things in abundance, or at least create a life where they are invited and might come. These four things won’t fix anything, but I assure you that everything seems far worse without them.
The Bottom Line
The new year is what you make it — or don’t make it. Whether you set resolutions, redefine them, or skip them altogether, your approach is valid. Grief doesn’t adhere to cultural timelines, and there’s no need to force yourself into traditions that don’t feel healing or helpful.
If you’re grieving this New Year’s season, give yourself the gift of grace. Your path is uniquely yours, and however you navigate the turning of the calendar, you’re doing enough.
